Killa Lipstick

I once watched this documentary about children who grew up with more animal than human behaviour because they were left with the family pets (mostly dogs) more so than indoors. They walked on all fours, could barely talk but rather barked or howled, and were one with nature. It was shocking but made perfect sense. I love watching documentaries and I immerse myself in them whenever I decide to watch TV. They educate me about new stories and people who all lead different lives.

Lately I've been thinking about my interests and how much they are a part of or impact on my life. This might sound stupid, but I'd say most of them are... absorbers. (That sounds bad but I mean it in the best way.) I let them absorb all of my feelings and thoughts, and when I get lost in them, those moments are when I feel most content and carefree.

Back to the documentary: I just thought of how influential a child's upbringing is upon him/herself, as well as how long that influence can last and if certain behaviours can be reversible. I get sensitive when children are brought up. Sometimes I think that that comes from days when I still feel like a kid. Not the nostalgic one who remembers all the sweet stuffed toys s/he owned, but the one who can't forget the flip side times no matter how hard s/he tries. I guess when I talk about influencing and upbringing, I think about how hard it is, even now, to distance myself from the "flip side" of them. I think about how hard I try to be everything but the "flip side," only to catch myself being and behaving exactly like it at times. I can block out everything I hear or see, just as I have for at least the past 10 years, but they stick. I've absorbed them and all I wanna do is make them adhere to my surroundings.

What do stick, though, are my good days when I think about what I can do productively now and in the future considering - and despite - whatever those influences and upbringing involved. I also remind myself that there's always room to grow from my past, and that those absorbers exist for the sole reason that I don't have to do this on my own.