I'm a big time bomb of sensitivity, ready to crack and break into tears, even at the thought of anything that tugs at my heart.

I know that this usually gets the worst of me, but I'm big on ...feelings. I know that sounds lame and a lot of what "society" throws at us requires us to be toughies who are immune to emotions. But what happened to the old saying of "putting yourself in other's shoes," of remotely trying to feel how s/he feels? No doubt it's hard to do - I've slipped more than once myself. And what's the purpose in doing so if you're just going to end up feeling worse? There are an infinite number of reasons. I think it's to feel pain and hurt, and loneliness, because in those we can feel the simplicity of love and simply love itself. We can feel the likeness we share to one another and let go of our differences if only for a few moments.

I especially see this simplicity in those who are handicapped, have mental disorders, or are elderly. One time on my bus home from school, this man wanted to catch it but was on the opposite side. I have a feeling that he lives at a community home of some sort because I always see all sorts of people nearby. This street doesn't have a crosswalk - and it should - so he was shaking and couldn't cross because of the incoming cars. Whenever I see people like him miss their busses, I get a little sad inside because they have to wait for the next bus for about 10 minutes. And because I let myself think, "When they near their last ten minutes on Earth, what would they do?"

Just a thought.

I fell in love with this song during Free Willy. (Yes, back in 1993 when I was 3. I probably watched it every week haha.) I think that Michael Jackson's legacy and music teach us what is so basic but have come to neglect.

"Just gotta find a way to say no"

I've been a Rhymesayers listener for awhile but haven't heard of this guy.
(via Rhymesayers)

"Raised in a Buddhist household, immersing himself in Black history, world culture, and community work, Toki Wright's awareness of the diverse world we live in is translated through his content driven music. He has taken paths that run the gamut from a non-profit youth organization in North Minneapolis to work with war-affected children in Northern Uganda."

Toki Wright recently wrote of the leaked track "State of Emergency": 'Never before has this generation been at more of a critical point than now... the present day. War and Peace. Poverty and Gluttony. Enslavement and Freedom. Each measure of the spectrum entangled in the ultimate fight for power. Obtaining justice and equality are no easy tasks, our forefathers and mothers have proven this to be true. May this surge of energy be the catalyst for global understanding. In our struggle let us not forget the trials and tribulations of the great many who have walked along the hazardous path. Recognize history. Prepare yourself for the future. We are in a STATE OF EMERGENCY!' "

Catching the flu means I've been home for the past week. Not a good thing when I'm in post-sec, but oh well. Gotta catch up on:

- Spanish quiz, notes
- History notes, Confucianism essay research
- (Missed!!!) Math midterm, notes, probability quiz(?)
- Business notes, project
- Early applications for UBC and wherever else (UVIC, Dalhousie, U of C...?)

AHH. At this rate I'm gonna prolong my sickness. My doctor also told me the reasons behind my migraines (they only happen in one part of my head). Besides light and sometimes stress, part of it is caused by having too much, or suddenly less, coffee and chocolate - my two weaknesses. My immune system sucks which, on top of my anemia, probably explains why I get so tired so quickly. Must start taking care of myself!!!

Psalm 139: 3, 6: "You are familiar with all my ways. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me."

Camp Truth VIII two weekends ago was such a blessing. I was reunited with everything I have had but neglected for so long: silence, prayer, tears of joy, strength, and God's truly unconditional love. When I told Father Pierre about my anger as of late, he told me to read Psalm 139. To read and confirm that God is "familiar with all my ways" is amazing... no doubt it's such an infinite act of love to grasp, but so comforting at the same time.

I don't mean to make this sound like a huge thing, but I was reminded of that saving comfort when God saved our lives three days after I came back form the camp. As our car somehow slipped and swerved about 180 degrees in the merging lane, all I could say and think was "oh my God" over and over. I was angry again because no one stopped to be witnesses or help out. But sometimes, I'm the one who has to stop myself and rethink what I just thought, and make it better and positive. I'm the one who needs to trust and believe that everything will be okay despite the inevitable. And if I wait, something good will surprise me. This near-accident showed me that I need to have faith in order to be saved, and a consistent one to spare me from harm even a meter's distance away from the light post. It was scary and something I've never experienced before. But when I waited, a highway guy, accident response, fire truck, ambulance, and police came: all because someone was sincere enough to call 911 but probably had to be somewhere and continued to merge onto the highway.

I'm calmer now - I'm even listening to calmer music haha - but I still think I need some minor form of anger management! Pause the music in the sidebar and listen to these:

This guy just turned my age (19)!!!