November 16, 2010


Change is good, which is something I rarely say. I like feeling somewhat independent and free to choose what I want to do while keeping up with “me” and my values. But sometimes this gets challenged. When I feel like others have given up on me, or are attacking me, it’s only I who perceived those feelings the way I did. I gave up on myself and unfortunately others when things “hit the fan.” I submitted to my sensitivity and let myself feel hurt instead of confident to move on. This is something I still gotta get through but sometimes it’s not that bad. As lame as this sounds - and I’m just figuring this out as I type haha - hitting that fan doesn’t mean that I have to stop moving. It’s the opposite. Just cuz I want to keep moving forward, hitting the fan lets me go in new directions that I never took or considered before.

I’m learning and growing in ways I would’ve never thought I would, and I’m excited for real growth. I wanna get out of so many ruts. Earlier this week I learned that my success and growth are because other people support me and want me to be better. This is kinda obvious, but I truly think that all of these changes couldn’t have been possible without everyone who has affirmed me and believed in me and continue to do so - even if they didn’t say it to my face. It was only this year that I learned the power of prayer, but I think that our trust in God beyond ourselves and others is what makes it happen. One of my hopes and excitements is not only to let people know how much I care about them, but to show them and contribute to their lives.

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint;
but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.

Servants cannot be corrected by mere words;
though they understand, they will not respond.

Proverbs 29: 18-19

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