Killa Lipstick

Doorknockers: To love hip hop

2011-07-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

Doorknockers: To love hip hop: Remember when we were little and the boys used to think they could love hip hop better than us? It was their game, their thing, their fun, their philosophy.

Ah hip hop may have dominant male identity, it may be sexist and violent towards us more often than not, even violent to the men themselves, but hip hop is our soul. That soul has no gender. That soul is just love, and the stories of ancestors, translated and mediated over time.

Hip hop is the best boyfriend any of us ever gonna have and don't you forget it. This is because we can cut and paste our hip hop, we can censor our hip hop to some degree. We can tell our daughters, "You can't play that crap in here even if I can't stop you from listening it with your friends." Or we can even say, "When you bring oppressive music like that into this house, that means you're willing and ready to dissect it."

It's not this way with actual men, brothers, lovers, boyfriends, and the like. They gonna say what they want. They gonna believe what they want. Lastly they will do exactly as they want. That's the price of relating to a human. He's his own person, he's not what you wish.

But with hip hop you can choose the voices you like. You can choose voices that soothe you and voices that love you. Most deceiving of all, we can spotlight on poetry that honors us even if in real life we understand that the poets who have written these words are each complex human beings. Undoubtedly if I look at certain aspects of my life work so far, I see myself as a stable, strong, honorable woman. That doesn't mean that every moment of life I feel stable and strong, or that I've always said and done the most honorable things.

I love hip hop, by which I mean I love what I've selected and chosen and glued together for my own mixtapes. Outside my window though, it's a whole other story, isn't it?

♫ Trackademicks - Fool On The Hill (ft. Phonte)

2011-05-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

"Open your eyelids, where I live my time spent with giants / Mind state's supersized, mine is the small fries / I'm rolling with bosses who know what the cost is, know what the work is, know how to bargain, know how to work this, know when to pause at the politics and nonsense that curse this / So when you catch me in traffic I'm passing the gridlocking, sh*t-talking road rage for open lanes / And don't try to slow me down, 'cause when they hold me down, that's when I float away"

Download here.

♫ Barrington Levy - 21 Girl Salute

2011-02-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

Thinking of the beach...

♫ DJ Okawari feat Amanda Diva - All I Have

2010-12-23T19:46:00.000-08:00

"I don't believe in fairy tales, but I believe in you"

Healthy Tears

2010-12-14T14:16:00.000-08:00

Got my Wu earrings made by Leilani aka Sistargirl last week! I tried them on yesterday and they're beautiful. Browse her Etsy - you won't be disappointed :)

Nujabes' last song?

2010-12-11T14:19:00.000-08:00

In the intro, he says, "Tomorrow night I will return. please listen one more time."

As the comments say, there isn't a definite answer as to whether or not this was produced by him. It does sound different than what we're used to hearing from him, but then again I'm sure he had some crazy pieces yet to release. Regardless, it's amazing and adds on to his legacy. Download here.

♫ G-Side - I'm Sorry

2010-12-07T20:39:00.000-08:00

♫ Freddie Gibbs - County Bounce

2010-11-22T01:26:00.000-08:00

A Sunday night-kinda song...

Changes

2010-11-16T16:44:00.001-08:00

Change is good, which is something I rarely say. I like feeling somewhat independent and free to choose what I want to do while keeping up with “me” and my values. But sometimes this gets challenged. When I feel like others have given up on me, or are attacking me, it’s only I who perceived those feelings the way I did. I gave up on myself and unfortunately others when things “hit the fan.” I submitted to my sensitivity and let myself feel hurt instead of confident to move on. This is something I still gotta get through but sometimes it’s not that bad. As lame as this sounds - and I’m just figuring this out as I type haha - hitting that fan doesn’t mean that I have to stop moving. It’s the opposite. Just cuz I want to keep moving forward, hitting the fan lets me go in new directions that I never took or considered before.

I’m learning and growing in ways I would’ve never thought I would, and I’m excited for real growth. I wanna get out of so many ruts. Earlier this week I learned that my success and growth are because other people support me and want me to be better. This is kinda obvious, but I truly think that all of these changes couldn’t have been possible without everyone who has affirmed me and believed in me and continue to do so - even if they didn’t say it to my face. It was only this year that I learned the power of prayer, but I think that our trust in God beyond ourselves and others is what makes it happen. One of my hopes and excitements is not only to let people know how much I care about them, but to show them and contribute to their lives.

Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint;
but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.

Servants cannot be corrected by mere words;
though they understand, they will not respond.

Proverbs 29: 18-19

♫ Kenichiro Nishihara

2010-09-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

Japanese hip-hop... I don't know too many musicians but whatever they come out with is so simple but unlike whatever I've heard before. My kinda music on the Skytrain looking outside, rainy Vancouver days, feel good days ...and even when I'm mad for no legit reason haha.

Kenichiro Nishihara is another find that I can't believe I didn't find sooner, especially since some songs feature Substantial. This is first I heard from his second album Life and it's stuck with me this week. His first album is Humming Jazz and you gotta listen to both if you haven't!

I also love Amanda Diva's voice - here's another one I've been playing a lot.

"Umi said"

2010-09-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

After 2 years/4 semesters at Capilano U, taking 6 courses each semester, I was burnt out but I did it. I had the crazy opportunity to travel to some of Central America, volunteered for a non-profit organization in Guatemala as part of my program, spent time with my family in the Philippines, and came home to my associate's degree in Global Stewardship. I'm thankful for even being in school yet inspired by people who've chosen to give back in their families, workplaces, and the arts, besides other areas.

My summer was packed then really chill, filled with old and new friends, continued growth in my faith, and obvs stressing about the new school year. I'm kinda sad that I'm not at Cap anymore, but it's actually cool to be at SFU, another school. I’m settling on a joint major in geography and Latin American studies. I've always liked geography stuff, and taking/applying Spanish in Mexico and Guatemala this summer while taking in some culture was the best.

My hope was to try to get into teaching high school, but for some reason Latin American studies isn't part of the "teachable subjects" list - which sucks but I guess I get why - and I'm not sure if it's for me anymore. Cuz I'm slowly scrapping some of that hope, and finding myself interested in immigration and cross-cultural "studies." Being a first-generation immigrant (first of my immediate family to be born here and born to immigrant parents) and growing up bicultural-ly(? haha), I find those kinda things...cool - for lack of a better word haha. Those plans could always change, and I might teach some day, but who knows.

I don't wanna limit myself to a "9-5" career - no disrespect but big, big ups to those who work long hours doing what they love. Again, one day I could be working a 9-5 myself haha - nor do I wanna feel disconnected from the rest of the world and what people are going through. I guess we have a list of our "want to's," but over time I'm realizing that what I want could simply be what's to come - on its own time.

♫ Substantial - An't No Happy Endings

2010-09-02T22:33:00.000-07:00

Old but his voice is timeless in my opinion!

"Ain’t no happy endings, ‘cause nothing really ends
When this life is over, another begins
And that’s the way it works in the circle of life
Balancing these good days in these times of strife."

RIP

2010-08-25T16:59:00.000-07:00

I fell in love with this song one summer so I burned it onto one of my many mix cd’s. Good times.

October 12th...

2010-08-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

"This is black silver"

2010-08-23T23:23:00.000-07:00

"...and while Hip-hop needs a facelift, I can tell that change is just around the corner..."

2010-08-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

♫ Big Boi - The Train Pt. 2

2010-07-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

Until Outkast releases another album (apparently in the works), some Big Boi will do.

Cleo or Nefertiti yes indeedi

2010-07-21T23:18:00.000-07:00

Not feeling the hood mural but I love the black convertible Rage is in!!

(found thanks to DJ Matthew Africa)

I envy all of you who were teens during the 90's

2010-07-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

...cuz I was only 5 when this was out.

I've only known about Nine/heard his stuff this year. Apparently he released Quinine, his third album, last year. Time to hunt!

2010-07-15T23:20:00.000-07:00

Concrete Jungle Divas, M.I.A. by Sofia Maldonado
I love this one!!! Puerto Rican street artist Sofia Maldonado “celebrates hip-hop culture with paintings and drawings of what she describes as ‘concrete jungle divas’ and ‘bling bling chicas,’” and “rallies community youth to contribute to the making of public projects and interior installations.” See more of her pieces here.

(via The Paradime)

Back in Vancity!

2010-07-09T23:32:00.000-07:00

I've been back home for over a week now and it's bittersweet. From the heat, beaches, and people, to our food, homestay families, and crappy Spanish, my first time in Central America was amazing to say the least. Then the Philippines was amazing, too. It was my 6th visit but as I get older, I find myself appreciating it more than before or noticing things I was naive about. For now I'm still getting used to my life here, meaning running water that's safe to drink (instead of putting water purifying tablets), showers, a toilet, and other things of course. I always read people talk about life-changing experiences, and this was one of them. But that's another post :)

So unrelated but one of the songs I've been listening to lately...

Central America in 1 week!

2010-04-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

Rainforest in El Petén, Guatemala

My excitement is building up... I'll be spending about a week in Cancun and possibly Belize, then off to the rainforests of the Petén region to volunteer with a non-profit organization. I'll be helping out with the organizaton's ecological management and education through workshops and a composting initiative with the kids. One month there, 2 days back home, then off to the Philippines to see family. Peace Vancity!

R.I.P. Guru

2010-04-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

"Be in command of whatever you encounter
Appreciate your blessings, son, you'll see what it amounts to
Obtaining your goals, maintainin' control
Self-respect helps you to protect your soul
Never give up, always be ready to try
Walk your own walk, and keep your head to the sky"

♫ Illa J feat Debi Nova - Sounds Like Love

2010-04-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

“There’s Someone I’ve gotta thank above for this uniquely, distinctly, ace of love - unselfish, benevolent, patient love.”

"Back and forth 'tween here and hustlin"

2010-03-30T17:54:00.000-07:00

Another legend to release an album today. What a beautiful video by a beautiful woman!

“They play it safe... Are quick to assassinate what they do not understand. They move in packs, ingesting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another. They feel most comfortable in groups... Less guilt to swallow. They are US. This is what we have become: afraid to respect the individual. A single person within a circumstance can move one to change, to love our self, to EVOLVE.”

♫ Michita - Mentor

2010-03-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

In my search for more Uyama Hiroto music, I came across this song by Michita, another amazing Japanese DJ/producer. The person who made this video is a graphic designer with equally amazing videos and artwork that go so well with Japanese hip-hop. How beautiful are those clouds ann mountains?

Japan, I’ll visit you again one day. My memories of you (in the airplane without apple juice and at the cute candy aisle in the supermarket) when I was 3 aren’t good enough!

Currently listening to...

2010-03-03T00:35:00.000-08:00

Bored Stiff - Posta Sound
Forgot about these guys for a second. Another reason why I would love to visit San Francisco.

Uyama Hiroto - Stratus
A new find thanks to the M.I.S.S. Playlist: Chill Out. Ahhhhhhh...

Currently wanting..

2010-02-26T01:36:00.000-08:00

..these door knocker pieces by Nena Soulfly from LA! See more here.

This clutch is even more impressive and cute!

Happiness

2010-02-24T00:28:00.001-08:00

May 2008

♫ The Foreign Exchange feat YahZarah - If This Is Love

2010-02-21T00:18:00.000-08:00

"Everything I thought I knew, I lost in you
You're turning me around"

Another old but beautiful song that goes in my imaginary "melty" list (haha). Whenever I listen to it, I picture myself living in my own dingy yet quaint apartment with brick walls covered in art and music playing 24/7. I picture myself finished with all these years of school but still yearning to learn more. As much as I'd prefer to be rid of it, realistically I picture myself at a distance from all this parental crap.

It's a constant struggle for me to budge and let go of my ideas, and not take every little thing so sensitively. But If I get lost in the moment, take a breather, just be still, and wait - I'll realize that everything will be okay.

"WINK: Something Substantial" (mixtape)

2010-02-14T00:24:00.000-08:00

Whether or not you're into "V-Day" (why does that abbreviation always sound so funny to me? haha), Substantial's newest mixtape of love and relationship songs is out! Better yet, it's free - although I'm kinda upset cuz I was hoping to buy this in store for once haha. If you haven't given him a listen yet, he's a genius, and you'll love his flow and lyricism.

"When I needed peace of mind,
you added a piece to mine."
- "U Were There"

DOWNLOAD HERE via qn5.com.

Vancouver 2010: A Rant

2010-02-06T15:46:00.000-08:00

Seeing graffiti in the streets of Vancouver is always a mini pause from reality. Whether it be simple and sometimes witty Sharpie tags on transit, the bigger ones below the Expo Line near the Millennium Line tracks at Commercial-Broadway, or colourful ones like the ones below and my blog's header image above, I'm honestly amazed by their beauty. I wonder who did them, at what time, if they got caught or had to run away from security or police, what caps were used, how long it took, etc. I wonder who put the effort into them, who put their "mark" by tagging this predetermined private property.

Taken by myself (December 18, 2009)

I took these photos along Beatty St. near Georgia St. while walking to work at the VPL. I usually get off at Granville Station, but I decided to get off at Stadium Station. Little did I know that that would be the last I would see of them. I didn't get to take a picture of the Charlie Brown mural, but that was equally impressive.

This is the same piece as my blog's header image, and the pink one you can see to the left
(Source)

Five days later, all of the murals along this concrete wall were painted over by the City of Vancouver as part of "maintenance of that area." The general manager of community services for COV said that "it is standard business for the city to do the upkeep on its publicly visible property." No wonder that block and its adjacent parking lot have been closed off, since it is an Olympic venue "to be used for entertainment." Remind me then, what exactly upkeep means. Because the last time I checked, it is the process of keeping something in good condition. The COV's opinions stand and they are undeniably sovereign over me, but those murals were pieces of culture, pieces made by people for the public. Simply painting over them seems to contradict that exact "upkeep."

I'm no artist, but I consider culture to be hella important if we want to have any regard for the people who have shaped our history, if we want to encourage positive expression through arts, and if we want our children to be born into a myriad of cultures and to grow up embracing them. Personally my "culture" stems from being a first-generation immigrant born in Vancouver. For example, I'm offended by the preconception that a Filipino working in food or domestic services is automatically labeled an immigrant just as much as I'm offended by our City's lame attempt to "connect media with [the] homeless" as well as its plain disrespect of one account of artistic expression by painting over said murals. The Philippines was where my parents were born, Vancouver was where I was born, but where does my identity lie? Where does Vancouver's identity lie behind the Ilanaaq emblem, if at all? Are we allowing our identities to be stripped, changed, or replaced by greater bodies?

I digress... because to this point I can honestly say that I don't know whether or not I support the Olympics. I admit it's kinda cool that all these people are coming to our small city. I got swept by the marketing craze and cuteness of the mascots. (Yet ironically I didn't legally pay for the two that are on my bed.) But on the flip side I'm embarrassed to call Vancouver "home" when the amounts of money being spent have only worsened our housing crisis in the Downtown Eastside and when our First Nations are still fighting for their rightful land.

For some literature on one account of the Olympics, read Pico Iyer's essay "The Games" from his book The Global Soul. I chose it randomly for my English world lit discussion leadership that I have to co-facilitate this week. Even though it's so long, I'm glad I chose it just in time and it's the reason why I'm ranting here. From my understanding it addresses how humanity is being represented by the Olympics and its publicists and sponsors (in my opinion, falsely), globalism vs universalism, the Olympics as a model of the world, and how host cities such as Nagano and Atlanta projected and branded themselves to the world while simultaneously stripping their identity - all really interesting and insightful.

♫ Substantial feat JSoul - U Were There

2010-02-04T21:02:00.000-08:00

New Substantial!!!! One of my favourites is coming out with another album, WINK (Something Substantial) on February 9! QN5 says it will take us “on a 10-year journey of Substantial’s music, focusing mainly on his love/relationship songs.” This is the original, but the remixes and instrumentals are just as good. I can’t wait!!

via qn5.com.

2010-02-03T00:55:00.000-08:00

God is alive in me again. My heart isn't as hard and closed up as it used to be, but it's opening up to God's word of justice, love, and truth. It took awhile because honestly everything else that our society has fed us - everything that lacks true substance and those qualities - are so conveniently accessible. They're what's "ideal" regardless of their proven history, context, and support.

As much as I look back at my lack of service, I can only go forward and work on the service I've rebuilt thanks to my brothers and sisters. It's amazing to hear them say that God is always, always there with open arms - we just have to be as open as He is and accept the vocations we're called upon. To me, God's open arms present so much opportunity for change and growth which don't lament on "the wrong things" we have done, but "the right things" which we can do.

All of this in light of my re-ignited pro-life beliefs, which I'm slowly rebuilding as well. I'm saddened that I'm leaving Cap this semester and only got involved with the Heartbeat Club late last semester, but at least I did. I will miss it, its members, and everything it has offered me. I'm also saddened that I stopped my pro-life involvement for two years, within which - if we consider the 91,377 abortions performed in 2006* - nearly 200,000 abortions have been performed. Insane.

No doubt is it hard to lead a life striving for justice, love, and truth, but it's possible. No doubt is it hard to stand up for our beliefs vs. widely-acceptable stances despite open forums, but it's possible. The fight for life is possible.

*Source:
http://www.statcan.gc.ca/daily-quotidien/090824/dq090824e-eng.htm via National Campus Life Network

Blogspot it is! + Updates + Music

2010-01-28T22:58:00.000-08:00

This is definitely easier than Tumblr. I've been spending way too much time finding a theme that shows my profile picture and that's sad haha.

Another 5-day school week and sadly it's my last semester at Cap. 2 years has gone by so fast! I'm still in the process of figuring out where I wanna transfer this fall. I'm loving what I'm learning, but it's finding out where it all fits is what I need to find out. I don't think I know what my real passion is yet, but as I've been reminding myself, I can't strategically plan out everything. :) With all of my planning and overseeing comes unneeded stress!! Which is why I've been drinking too much coffee, overeating, and not exercising. I used to be able to somehow burn calories after sleeping but that has bailed on me haha. I'm not even exaggerating when I say I get tired when I walk up at least 2 flights of stairs. :( Gotta do something about this rather than dwell like I have been for so long haha.

Anyways!! Sometimes I catch Rap City on the Saturday nights that it airs. Of course it's changed and evolved since the early 2000's when I started watching it - I miss Master T. and Nam - but they still play some true gems. One night, this caught my attention:

Ghettosocks is from Halifax! Woot! To my surprise, Pumkinhead (among others) is on his album Treat of the Day. Listen here.

How could I forget InI?!

And something I sadly never knew: Mos' debut into music started with his brother and sister. We all know about him now but wow, young Mos...

ONE MORE! Blu & Jack Davey. So "melty" in my books!!

"The only way to know the future is to make it" -Inverse

2009-12-26T03:15:00.001-08:00

Either true happiness has yet to come or I'm blind, selfish, and ungrateful. Damn.

It's 3am and I can't help but reflect on how bittersweet my Christmas was. 24 hours ago I was happily sleeping over with my cousins at our Ate's place. The get-away from "home" - my mom and stepdad - was much needed. And as I'm reflecting it seems that my stepdad's presence in my family has been the cause of my animosity towards him, our whole "home" environment, and any holiday.

So while I should stop moping, dwelling, and being childish, it's not that easy. I feel that I have to hold back, and that I'll always be that youngin' at 5 years old who had no say and yet was expected to welcome my "dad" - when I sure as heck knew he wasn't. Assuming this submissive position has lasted until now, and no doubt it's brought on other unhealthy and unnecessary crap especially since I rarely stand up for myself. Cuz when I have, my say hasn't had much of a convincing effect.

I feel a little better letting some of this private stuff out. (Maybe I should get back to writing in my diary - yes, diary, not journal haha.) I guess Christmas is the most family-oriented holiday for me, so every December I hope something better happens than the previous one. I know that kinda expectation can be my worst enemy, and this time it was the same old up-and-down holiday.

I sincerely hope that you all had a memorable moment this Christmas that you can take away from it, no matter it turned out.

I miss Him so much this Christmas, even though He's born again and just a prayer away. If He were here I think this is what He would say to all of us (from "Moon" by Emily King):

"The night brings cold and suddenly you're longing for someone to hold ... You try to keep a sense of control, But inside you're unhappy. You long to feel whole. Just look to the moon and you'll feel that my love's right there with you."

"Can It Be All So Simple," just for one day?

2009-12-18T01:16:00.001-08:00

I'm up at 2am just because I didn't feel like socializing a few hours ago and decided to take a nap. And now I realize, what else is new? I go on with my day-to-day stuff but any chance I get to run away from other stuff, I'll try to do so. But it never really goes away. The more I shut it out, the more apparent it is. The more "in my face" it is. And lately I've coped by bottling it all inside and worrying about the people closest to me. I've never really been good at "standing up for myself," but the way I'm coping is obviously not doing me any good. I'd like to consider myself a selfless person, but after sacrificing my concerns and needs for those people, I'm bound to reach that breaking point where I gotta be selfish. I think we're all entitled to that, and I need to remind myself it's human nature. I just hate how all I notice is the negativity around me, and worst yet, how I'm filled with so much anger and go on with my day-to-day stuff grudgingly.

Happiness - either it'll come on its own time or I'll have to be open to its already-present existence. But for now my happiness is up to me, of course. As much as I can dwell and let myself get hurt, I just can't put myself through that anymore.

"...But for now, it just a big dream
'cause I find myself in the place where I'm last seen
My thoughts must be relaxed,
Be able to maintain,
'cause times is changed and life is strange
The glorious days is gone, and everybody's doin' bad
Yo, mad lives is up for grabs
Brothers, passin' away, I gotta make wakes
Receivin' all types of calls from upstate
Yo, I can't cope with the pressure
Settlin' for lesser
The god left lessons on my dresser
So I can bloom and blossom, find a new way..."
- Wu-Tang Clan

2009-11-22T16:01:00.000-08:00

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. And as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."

- Grey's Anatomy

"Just gotta find a way to say no"

2009-11-06T16:30:00.001-08:00

I've been a Rhymesayers listener for awhile but haven't heard of this guy.
(via Rhymesayers)

"Raised in a Buddhist household, immersing himself in Black history, world culture, and community work, Toki Wright's awareness of the diverse world we live in is translated through his content driven music. He has taken paths that run the gamut from a non-profit youth organization in North Minneapolis to work with war-affected children in Northern Uganda."

Toki Wright recently wrote of the leaked track "State of Emergency": 'Never before has this generation been at more of a critical point than now... the present day. War and Peace. Poverty and Gluttony. Enslavement and Freedom. Each measure of the spectrum entangled in the ultimate fight for power. Obtaining justice and equality are no easy tasks, our forefathers and mothers have proven this to be true. May this surge of energy be the catalyst for global understanding. In our struggle let us not forget the trials and tribulations of the great many who have walked along the hazardous path. Recognize history. Prepare yourself for the future. We are in a STATE OF EMERGENCY!' "

Catching the flu means I've been home for the past week. Not a good thing when I'm in post-sec, but oh well. Gotta catch up on:

- Spanish quiz, notes
- History notes, Confucianism essay research
- (Missed!!!) Math midterm, notes, probability quiz(?)
- Business notes, project
- Early applications for UBC and wherever else (UVIC, Dalhousie, U of C...?)

AHH. At this rate I'm gonna prolong my sickness. My doctor also told me the reasons behind my migraines (they only happen in one part of my head). Besides light and sometimes stress, part of it is caused by having too much, or suddenly less, coffee and chocolate - my two weaknesses. My immune system sucks which, on top of my anemia, probably explains why I get so tired so quickly. Must start taking care of myself!!!

Psalm 139: 3, 6: "You are familiar with all my ways. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me."

2009-10-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

Camp Truth VIII two weekends ago was such a blessing. I was reunited with everything I have had but neglected for so long: silence, prayer, tears of joy, strength, and God's truly unconditional love. When I told Father Pierre about my anger as of late, he told me to read Psalm 139. To read and confirm that God is "familiar with all my ways" is amazing... no doubt it's such an infinite act of love to grasp, but so comforting at the same time.

I don't mean to make this sound like a huge thing, but I was reminded of that saving comfort when God saved our lives three days after I came back form the camp. As our car somehow slipped and swerved about 180 degrees in the merging lane, all I could say and think was "oh my God" over and over. I was angry again because no one stopped to be witnesses or help out. But sometimes, I'm the one who has to stop myself and rethink what I just thought, and make it better and positive. I'm the one who needs to trust and believe that everything will be okay despite the inevitable. And if I wait, something good will surprise me. This near-accident showed me that I need to have faith in order to be saved, and a consistent one to spare me from harm even a meter's distance away from the light post. It was scary and something I've never experienced before. But when I waited, a highway guy, accident response, fire truck, ambulance, and police came: all because someone was sincere enough to call 911 but probably had to be somewhere and continued to merge onto the highway.

I'm calmer now - I'm even listening to calmer music haha - but I still think I need some minor form of anger management! Pause the music in the sidebar and listen to these:

This guy just turned my age (19)!!!

Inverse: "I hold the pieces close together to remember to hold onto these moments"

2009-10-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

Listening to Inverse's "Everything Is Beautiful" for about the 5th time today reminds me of the humility and kindness I have neglected. When all seems to be crappy and not going my way, when I cry, when I have some quiz to study for, when I'm buggin' about strangers, when I complain: none of it remotely compares to the real life (or death) situations that people are facing every day and right now. I honestly can't imagine how I'd be in the face of storms and floods with little to no resources. Word to Kristia on Typhoon Ondoy (via Doorknockers):

"Our people are being killed first by global warming. The people I love (including myself) are partially responsible for natural disasters like this. That is the most painful part.

Humble yourself, we have work to do if we want human life to continue on this planet."

Prayers for the Philippines and surrounding Southeast Asian countries, and for my Cavite family. Thank God the typhoon has ended and my relatives in the Visayas and Mindanao were not hit. I have missed the Philippines all summer, and now I really do miss it.

Some pictures from my last trip in 2007:

"We livin' in a nation of fast lanes"

2009-09-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

I often think about when I ate Lunchables, watched Sailor Moon after morning kindergarten class, was a bookworm, and had bedtime at 8pm. Those were the times when it was just the two of us, and now we can't stand each other sometimes. I don't understand some sacrifices you've made and are still making, but there comes a time when you need to just stop and sit. If I've learned anything from you and our culture, it's the importance of family. Lately I haven't seen you prioritize it when it should be obvious.

Over the summer I've realized that I have too many (little) convictions, and then I break down when (I feel that) they're attacked. One of them is knowing the time and place to do or say things. I'm not a goody two shoes, but stepping back and watching my nature, I might as well be. All these times and places that I'm in, I choose to adapt to because... they're all I have, and I care about them. But I'm starting to think that what I do/say/feel when it concerns some things might be too much, that it's time for me to stop, to sit and watch. I'm not a selfish person, either, but if my little convictions are understood and respected enough, then they would be taken into the least bit of consideration. If not, then what can I do but give up?

I don't know what I'm getting at or what I want right now. I do know that there's so many things I want to achieve and I don't want to put them on hold just because of inexcusable excuses. Too bad that isn't that easy when I'm in a limbo between stop and go.

August 21st Journal Entry - Bowen Island, BC

2009-08-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting still. I haven't done this in awhile and it feels so foreign. But at the same time, God seems to put me in such "displacement" as a comforting reminder of the stillness that exists. And that, in such silence, there is peace, comfort, and fragility. The time given is taken and experienced by myself to allow me to listen to Him.

God, it's been a long time. Thank you for calling me back. Thank you for your reminders that love and simplicity exist in the life I perceive as having too much tension that I can't handle, but have no choice to mishandle.

It's my time And while I'm not sure what to bring up to You and myself, I think that's there's something planned that only you and I know and can talk to each other about. Not a secret - but more than a secret - a story that has yet to be read and enacted. I can't wait.

"Don't stress that 'cause it's not in your bloodstream. Your whole being comes from greatness." -ATCQ

2009-08-06T01:06:00.000-07:00

I wish I could do just that - not stress - more than I do regularly. But I always have to act and react from 2 extremes. I either feel really good about something - I set myself up for it and put any necessary prep into it - or I feel shitty about it cuz almost everything falls apart. Most of the time I perceive and take what exactly falls apart worse than they are, and "almost everything" can mean one slightest thing. I try but I can't handle "going with the flow" very well, and I can't stand disorganization and naiveness.

These pet peeves of mine get the best of me. Even on days that I can let loose, there's always this crazy methodical part of me that doesn't. I won't let go. Even when I went on vacation to Las Vegas a few weeks ago, I had to know everything that I knew I wouldn't experience in their entirety until their time came. It was a weird reminder of how I always am here at home, and even worse, for the past 3 months of my summer break. (But I think the experience of this 4-month long, post-secondary summer is an experience in itself. Halfway through I missed school and I'm looking forward to it, but that's another story haha.)

You'd think that having these crazy methodical ways, I would be able to fix them or at least work my way around them to reach some sort of contentment, but I just fall apart with the rest of whatever is happening. I think part of the problem is I try so hard to be heard and heard out, that I'm not even listening to myself. As I'm saying all this and realizing how much I'm "frontin" when I don't need to: I'm slowly learning that I can't just go around most shit that I didn't expect or like to come my way, but I'm more than capable of accepting and dealing with them so that I can move forward, and finally find that contentment.

...When "the answer to my comprehension is just too complex, and one minute from the next, I go from happy to vexed, I know that you're always there to be my outlet, a front of which which I haven't figured out yet. A resource, you pivot my efforts on the right course. It seats me, doin' whatever it takes to reach me."

Thank you.

2009-07-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

I once watched this documentary about children who grew up with more animal than human behaviour because they were left with the family pets (mostly dogs) more so than indoors. They walked on all fours, could barely talk but rather barked or howled, and were one with nature. It was shocking but made perfect sense. I love watching documentaries and I immerse myself in them whenever I decide to watch TV. They educate me about new stories and people who all lead different lives.

Lately I've been thinking about my interests and how much they are a part of or impact on my life. This might sound stupid, but I'd say most of them are... absorbers. (That sounds bad but I mean it in the best way.) I let them absorb all of my feelings and thoughts, and when I get lost in them, those moments are when I feel most content and carefree.

Back to the documentary: I just thought of how influential a child's upbringing is upon him/herself, as well as how long that influence can last and if certain behaviours can be reversible. I get sensitive when children are brought up. Sometimes I think that that comes from days when I still feel like a kid. Not the nostalgic one who remembers all the sweet stuffed toys s/he owned, but the one who can't forget the flip side times no matter how hard s/he tries. I guess when I talk about influencing and upbringing, I think about how hard it is, even now, to distance myself from the "flip side" of them. I think about how hard I try to be everything but the "flip side," only to catch myself being and behaving exactly like it at times. I can block out everything I hear or see, just as I have for at least the past 10 years, but they stick. I've absorbed them and all I wanna do is make them adhere to my surroundings.

What do stick, though, are my good days when I think about what I can do productively now and in the future considering - and despite - whatever those influences and upbringing involved. I also remind myself that there's always room to grow from my past, and that those absorbers exist for the sole reason that I don't have to do this on my own.

"The grass is always greener. It's everywhere you turn. You'll see it. Everything you're sure of is up for change"

2009-06-16T12:32:00.000-07:00

As you can see (or hear) I'm on that mellow tip. It's probably cuz I spent last week away from Vancouver.

I went to Penticton for work, technically. (Working at the library means that I'm part of a union.) I got to learn stuff about unions I never knew about, and the reality of the need for young workers to get involved. This reminds me of the issue surrounding low voter turnouts, especially that of youth. I can't say it bothers me cuz I can see why people choose not to vote, but what does bother me are the complaints without putting effort into affecting or changing what's being complained about...if that makes sense. At least, the effort that should be put towards one's society, environment, etc. Needless to say, youth, myself included, just need to be educated...especially on so many issues affecting them without any warning. Take this shitty one for ex, which I had no idea about until I went to Penticton:

2 days later I went camping in Port Moody (but a secluded part) to volunteer for a non-profit organization I've been involved with both personally and for school. The kids were awesome. Their actions, stories, and dialogue made me feel old by reminding me of my experiences at their age, and how much I've grown and progressed since then. Their simplicity and youthfulness let me mellow out while proving that my involvement with this organization serves more purpose than for myself or school. It's for these kids, for interacting new and familiar people, teaming up with people, listening to them, and lending help whenever and wherever - simple things that are second nature but neglected at times.

Here are some pictures that I took on my phone:

2009-06-11T01:30:00.001-07:00

2009-05-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

Why couldn't I be 19 in the 90's when g-funk was at its finest?

More Music

2009-05-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

Ultimate summer song(!!!!):

This song makes me laugh sometimes for some reason haha

Some g-funk. Why haven't I heard of this guy before?! Prob cuz I was 7 when this song came out...damn. "buying bud by the quarter pack, so roll a sack..."

I love Masia One. She gives Filipinos a shout out at 3:16 :)

♫ Twista - Adrenaline Rush

2009-03-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

Finally got to see GZA and the Rascalz last Tuesday at the Commodore (great venue)!!! Came in to hear the dj playing T.R.O.Y by Pete Rock & CL, Biggie, Big L, Drop by Pharcyde, Simon Says by Pharoahe Monch...and more :) After a cooler and a long wait, Red1 and the Rascalz performed their songs, as well as others' like Dead Prez' Hip-Hop, to get us hyped. After an even longer wait, GZA got on stage!!! People lit their blunts (and cigarettes, which made my eyes b.u.r.n by the end of the night :@), pushed to get closer, and head-nodded to his crazy performance. My favourite was when Liquid Swords came on and I could hear myself/everyone singing "snort cocaaaine to act insaaane" with him. Too bad I had to head home...lame... and find out that I missed out on Talib's surprise appearance - not tooo big of a Talib fan but I am/was the least bit upset :(

Sooo much shit to get done for this last week of school - but prob won't do half of it cuz I'm looking forward to my class' retreat up at Pemberton this weekend :)

Take your pick:

- Femcee blog/music

- New Kero One

- New Brother Ali

2009-02-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

Bar
To dream that you are at a bar, signifies your desire to escape from the stresses of your daily life and retreat into a light-hearted environment where pleasure abounds. Alternatively, you are seeking for acceptance in some aspect of your daily life. The dream may also be a pun on being "barred" from some place or something. You are feeling excluded or held back by circumstances beyond your control.

...interesting!

♫ Jean Grae - Love Song

2009-01-28T22:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't bumped this song in awhile, but whenever I do, my emotions during that time always seem to relate or I'm "thinking tomorrow will be a better day." I'll always be analytical, overthink shit for my own good and cry about the smallest things, but is it weird to find peace in such emotional times? It's like I have this weird, overall comfort with myself despite discomfort in all other areas. Then again, this always comes down to my choice to find comfort in myself. I don't think this is necessarily bad, but when turning to one's self becomes a survival/defense mechanism almost, is that ...weird, too? Hmmm.. "Just for life I'm pursuin' / growin', but hopelessly romantic, still / tasted weather in the bitter climates / love the sunshine better ... tryin' not to have a shallow heart, but battle scars are deep and reachin' to the depth of hell and back / try to give up the grudges / think it's experience and grew from the clutches of sadness" ...meh! I'm all good. I think it's necessary to indulge in yourself from time to time...

Proverbs 18

2008-12-14T23:24:00.000-08:00

An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends;
he defies all sound judgment.
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding
but delights in airing his own opinions.
When wickedness comes, so does contempt,
and with shame comes disgrace.
The words of a man's mouth are deep waters,
but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.
A fool's lips bring him strife,
and his mouth invites a beating.
A fool's mouth is his undoing,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels,
they go down to a man's inmost parts.
The wealth of the rich is their fortified city;
they imagine it an unscalable wall.
Before his downfall a man's heart is proud,
but humility comes before honor.
He who answers before listening -
that is his folly and his shame.
An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city,
and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
From the fruit of his mouth a man's stomach is filled;
with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied.
The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.
A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

♫ Lootpack feat Medaphoar, Oh No - Forever Beef

2008-10-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

The other day I was mobbin' to the store to get a snack
Then I heard something creeping from the back
I turned my cheek and took a real quick peek
and then I seen these fake MC's who wanted to beef eight deep
last week at the mall when they got dissed from the lyrics
Now they out for revenge
They are coming for revenge there's no sweat
'cause my automatic mic is strapped
So I dip, hit the corner, turned around, and then I blasted,
hit one but the mother fake MC was still coming
Then I stab to the lab just to gather up the weapons
Put a J in my ear, grab my ear,
and now I'm stepping in full combat

Time for a girlcott.

31 Flavors of Love - the Ultimate Vday Hip-Hop Mix

2008-10-03T22:27:00.000-07:00

Rappers got a lot of love. They got love for their hood, their crew, their moms… They especially love hip-hop and they won’t let you forget it. In fact they love hip-hop so much that they make lots of songs where they personify and feminize their microphone (Masta Ace – “Hold U”), the track they are rhyming to (J-Live “Kick it to the Beat”, Pharoahe Monch “Rape”) or hip-hop in general (Common Sense – “I Used to Love H.E.R.” and a million songs since).

One thing they don’t do too well is romance. If a rapper is speaking with love for a particular female, there are about even odds that she’s just a metaphor. Over here at Oh Word we like literate chicks and they see through that metaphor game right away. They also don’t tolerate too much debasement. Sure a little playfulness and frank talk makes for good foreplay but what honey is going to swing the episode to the back-seat of your jeep if you’re gonna tell her “don’t lie – take it in your eye”.

Running smooth game is about finding balance. You want to set the right mood for sexy-time without being disgusting. You want to let the girl know she’s special without coming off soft. Pimping ain’t easy. And with that in mind we’ve created this romantic and flirtatious mix of 31 dope love songs that should please hip-hop fans of either gender.

31 sweet songs here